Here is the story of our Angel Baby Nix #2...When we went for our first ultrasound things looked off. There was nothing really to see, which is a scary thing for a new mommy. The dates that were coming up on the screen put me about a week & a half behind where I thought I should be. I was advised by the doctor that this is totally normal, & sent home with an appointment a week later. Throughout these first few weeks I had all the normal symptoms of pregnancy. Light cramping, sore breasts, food aversions, food cravings, a growing tummy, & mood swings from another planet! All great signs of a normal pregnancy.One week came quicker than ever & we were looking at our 4 week 6 day old pregnancy on the ultra sound. Still, no real picture to see on the ultra sound but at least a clearer picture of the gestational sack. At this point, I was convinced something was wrong, the dates just didn't add up. Again, I was reassured everything was fine and I was given another appointment a week later.There we were, on the date of our appointment where we would be able to finally see our baby! But after filming my weekly segment at the local Fox 10 studio, something didn't feel right. I realized that I was spotting, and called the doctor immediately. When I got to the office and in for an ultrasound I was looking at the screen and seeing nothing that resembled an embryo. There was a gestational sack, a yolk sack, but no visible baby. I asked if they saw the baby and the technician was advised by another one to not give me any information. Scary, huh!? Immediately I saw the doctor who explained to me my pregnancy was not developing like normal, and along with my spotting made him believe I needed to prepare myself for an early miscarriage.Devastated. Lost. Confused. My emotions ran high as I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Realizing I was lost in my head while the doctor was still talking, explaining to me that traveling to Las Vegas as I was planning to do in a few days was out of the questions, use a heating pad if you have cramping, call the emergency line if pain is unbearable, bed rest until further notice. All sorts of cautionary details were being thrown out at me and all I could think is, "Should I be writing this down? Who is going to explain this to me later whenever I exit out of shock?".The days passed by however my spotting just turned to more than spotting. Cramps set in and I was sure that this was what the doctor had been talking about. During this time all I could do was pray. Pleading to my Holy Father to help me get through this heart wrenching time, to understand his will, and to see the blessing through everything that I was going through. He sent me so many people to lean on, so many stories from my friends & families that have been through similar situations that could offer guidance & prayers. Kyle & I were so thankful for their support and even more hopeful that things could turn around in a miracle and possibly turn out ok.My next appointment came on Tuesday, and I had prepared myself for the worst. I entered the ultrasound room and asked the nurse if she minded if I closed my eyes, I didn't want to see the screen. -click click click- -tap tap tap- Went the machine as I sat in the chair. The technician then assured me, "You haven't miscarried, the sack & the embryo look fine". Excuse me? Embryo? That wasn't there last week! I immediately uncovered my eyes to see our little baby on the screen for the first time. It was such a beautiful sight and offered so much hope. The doctor came in to explain that everything looked fine today, but blood work would be ordered to make sure everything was healthy.Thursday morning came and it was filled with rain & more blood work. When I went home to rest I had an unsettling feeling. A few minutes later I found myself crying in my master bathroom, the unfortunate had happened. We had lost our baby.Kyle immediately rushed home to be with me, complete with a coke. Our holding on to hope was over. I had prepared myself for this happening, but the roller coaster had gotten the best of me. I hadn't anticipated this sudden drop at the end of the ride, how painful it was going to be to go through the finale of it all..
Miscarriage. It's not even a pretty word to type much less say out loud. But it is a reality I have come to face and accept. God is good & he knew something was not right with our little baby #2 so He gave it a 1 way ticket to heaven, no layover at all. While we were so excited to meet the little one, he/she is in a much better place & we will join him/her one day.
So here we are, praying to accept the hand we have been dealt & to find the blessing. Find peace & ways to use this as a way to minister to others. Not give up hope on our growing little family that we got so happy about having. For now, I am leaning on this scripture:
Isaiah (I say-a) There is Hope!
